


Light

by Akame_Dragneel



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Please Don't Hate Me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2020-05-15 00:45:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19284628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akame_Dragneel/pseuds/Akame_Dragneel
Summary: Warm. It feels so warm.He doesn’t know where he is. There’s nothing around him. Nothing but some noise.He doesn’t know what those are, though. But they are warm. Comforting.So familiar.They are the only familiar things here. Here in the dark."I wonder, what the light looks like....  "And so do they, waiting for their brother to wake up.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Here's already the prologue! Still working on the other chapters ( I already have some but I'll write more before posting everything!)  
> Btw sorry for my English I'm not a native speaker!
> 
> Enjoy!

When he opened his eyes, everything was blurry. 

He didn’t  know, actually . Did he open his eyes or were they already open? He didn’t remember.

When did he close them at the first place? 

When his vision began focusing, he started observing. 

He was in a room. A white room. And he was lying on a white bed. 

_ It’s comfortable... _

He blinked. 

Once.

Twice.

And a lot of times, he couldn’t count. His mind wasn’t focused enough. 

Then, a second later- it  actually took  around fifteen minutes, but here again, he wasn’t focused enough for this- he started looking around him.

Someone. There was someone next to him. 

A lot of  people actually, but  he couldn’t count. Their mouths were moving, but he couldn’t hear anything. Or more like he couldn’t understand them. 

But then, everything was black. 

* * *

 

They were looking at the sleep ing  boy. He fell asleep again. It happened around two times before. He would open his eyes, giving them the hope that he was finally awake, and  t h en h e would  immediately  go back to sleep with no warning. 

The first that happened,  Jeongin  was the one who  was by his side. The poor boy immediately called the others when he saw his  hyung  opening his eyes. 

He looked so fragile. Like a glass doll. Like he could break at any moment. He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t doing anything. He was just looking at the ceiling above him. When  Jeongin  called him, he didn’t reply.

But when the boys and the nurse came to the room, he was sleeping. His eyes were  closed,  and he didn’t even move. 

_ “I saw him, I swear!”  _

_ Silence.  _

_ “H-he was... awake...”  _

_ That’s all the boy could say.  _

_ Broken.  _

_ That’s how he sounds like. Like his happiness was the one lying on the hospital bed for days and days.  _

_ “I believe you,  _ _ Jeongin _ _ -ah.” The leader said, hugging the sobbing boy.  _

They explained them. It wasn’t because he opened his eyes that he was finally awake. It was complicated to say when he would finally wake up for real. 

Or  _ if _  he would ever wake up. 

And the boys understood. They were crying, but they understood.

But still, every time they would see their member blinking, they’d have the hope that it was the time.That he was going to wake up. That he was going to be with them again.

But as the time passed, they had to accept the reality...

Jisung was comatose. 


	2. Chapter 1

A boy who was sleeping. That was the first thing he saw when he woke up.

Not really the  first actually . It took his mind hours to finally understand what was happening. 

He was  i n a room, filled with dark. But not the same darkness as the last time. His room was dark because it was night. From his bed, he could see the shining crescent moon and the deep blue sky. 

Then, he saw a boy sleeping, his head on  Jisung’s  bed. 

He looked peaceful. Like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders until he falls asleep. Like it was the only time he could rest.

Jisung  wanted to ask him. Ask him why he was here. Why was he lying on a bed at an unknown  place?  Where his family was?

And then h e started panicking. Where the fuck was he? 

His lungs started burning and his view was burying. And at the same moment, an alarm started ringing. 

But he didn’t care. 

He didn’t care about all the noise in his room. Or about the boy who woke up with all the noise. And even less about the woman dressed in white coming in his room and putting a mask on his face.

And then only, he was able to relax. 

He could breath. 

And then, his vision was covered with the now so familiar darkness. 

* * *

 

After that, he woke up again. 

This time he didn’t have a panic attack. He was just staring into space.

But was still confused. What was he doing here? Where were his parents and his brother? 

He looked around him and noticed that he was in the same room, and the boy was here again, and this time he was awake, looking at him, as if he was waiting for him to say something. And he wasn’t alone, there were two other boys. 

They were looking at him, like his words were going to change their life.

The first, the one who was here when he woke up earlier, was  pretty tall . And beautiful, honestly. His dark hair was  messy and his eyes were shining. He could see something in his eyes, but he couldn’t tell what it was. 

_ It was hope. _ _  But  _ _ Jisung _ __ _ doesn _ _ ’t know it. _

Next to him, a blonde and freckled face was looking at him too. He seemed so friendly ,  but the look in his face made the boy sad, even if he didn’t know why he was looking so sad. 

And finally, the last boy. He seemed really young to  Jisung , despite of his red hair,  and he looked so cute and innocent,  Jisung  just wanted to hug the boy, like it was natural. 

Finally, after a while,  Jisung’s  brain could finally figure how to speak.

“Um... hello...?” 

His voice  was rusty, as if he hadn’t used his vocal cords for years .  He didn’t know why it was the first thing he said. Why would he even say this when he panicked earlier? But right now, he couldn’t really understand anything, not even himself. 

“H- hyung  you- you spoke!”

It was the first thing the fox-faced boy said to him. The two others were shocked as well.

_ Was it finally happening? Did  _ _ Jisung _ _  finally wake up?  _

Before he could say anything, the blonde one hugged him tightly, like his life was depending on him. And then,  Jisung  noticed two things :  first, his hospital dress was getting wet, which meant that the boy was crying. And secondly, when the boy hugged him, his rubs hurt him. 

_ Hospital dress? He was in a hospital? _

So, when Jisung let out a groan of pain, he quickly let him go. 

“Oh my-  Jisung  are you okay?  Oh  fuck I hurt you sorry!”

Jisung  couldn’t help but get surprised when he heard the boy’s voice. It was such a deep voice for his baby face. 

“I...I’m calling someone to tell that you’re awake.”

The tallest one said, leaving quickly the room. And that’s when he could finally ask his questions. But not about his family, he had another question first.  He didn’t know why, but it was his priority now. 

“Umm... Can I ask, how do you know my name?” 

Because it surprised  Jisung . What were three boys he didn’t know doing in his hospital room? 

“What do you mean?  Of course  we know your name!”

The one who looked the youngest said. His voice was as confused as his face. Why was his  hyung  asking him that kind of question? After all the time they waited by his side, all their sleepless nights when they asked themselves if he would make through the night, all the time they cried, waiting for him to wake up. And here he was, asking them why they know his name. How could they not? How could they forget the person they shed so many tears for? 

On the other hand, Felix looked afraid. Afraid from that one sentence. From those six words. 

_ How do you know my name?  _

Who thought this sentence could be so scary for someone? 

And that’s why Felix asked a question. The question who was as scary as  Jisung’s  one. The question he was scared to get an answer. 

“ Jisung ... you know us, right?”

When Felix asked the question, with a hint of fear in his voice,  Jeongin’s  eyes widened. 

He understood what he meant by that. He saw how confused  Jisung  looked when he saw them next to him. 

But  Jisung  didn’t answer. He still looked so confused. And that’s when the two boys looked at each other. 

“H- hyung  you remember us, right? Felix  hyung  and me? And Chan  hyung ? Minho  hyung ?”

But still, no answer. Just an awkward silence. 

It couldn’t be true. 

Not that please.

Don’t let it be true. 

After all they had to go through, please, not that too. 

Please...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I did some search about coma, and it's normal for Jisung to be confused now. It can take a lot of time to someone who wakes up from coma to be totally recovered. So if Jisung acts weird during the first chapters, it's totally on purpose.
> 
> As always, sorry for the mistakes! I'm someone who loves writing (useless) details but since I just started writing in English I still need to learn more vocabulary to do that so it feels like my chapter is "empty" ( idk how to describe it XD).
> 
> Anyyyway! I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 2

 

After the confrontation he had with the two boys in his room, a doctor came in his room and asked them to wait outside. She had some questions to ask to  Jisung  who was still really  confused.  But when the others were leaving, he didn’t hear them asking questions to the doctor, asking her why he couldn’t remember them. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” The woman said with a  really warm  smile. 

Jisung  didn’t know. How was he supposed to feel? Everything seemed  too  much to handle for him in his condition. 

“Fine I guess...” He said hesitantly. 

The woman just smiled, nothing something on her notebook. 

“My name is Kang Seo y oon, but you can call me Doctor Kang. I’m sure that you have a lot of questions, and don’t worry, you’ll get your answers, but first I need you to answer mine’s, okay?”

It took him a few seconds to understand everything she said, as his mind was still really blurry, before he  nods  at Dr Kang.

“Okay, so let me ask my first  question:  what’s your name?”

“Han  Jisung .” The answer came naturally. He knows his name, of course. 

The woman started writing his answer in her notebook.

“How old are you?” 

“Eighteen years old.” He knew his age, even though he couldn’t remember when  celebrated  his birthday. 

“How many members are in your family?”

“Four with me. There is dad, mom and my hyung.”

Right. He wanted to see his parents. He had to ask the woman about them. 

“And what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a student at DEF Academy.”

When he said that, then woman  was still writing, he couldn’t tell what she was thinking about.

“Do you know who are the boys in you room earlier?” 

Jisung  didn’t answer. 

He didn’t  know.  He doesn’t know them. 

“No. No, I don’t know them.”

* * *

 

Retrograde amnesia. 

Jisung had amnesia. 

That’s what they told to the members and his family who were waiting in the hallway of the hospital. 

Members immediately called his parents when Minho told them that he was awake. The boy looked so relived.  Jisung  was finally awake.  But then, when he saw the look on  Jeongin  and Felix’s face, their smiles fade. 

“ _ Felix? Jeongin? Is everything okay?”  _

_ The boys couldn’t look at them. They felt like if they said what happened, if they said out loud that  _ _ Jisung _ _  couldn’t remember them, it was going to be real.  _

_ Felix hoped that it was a side effect of waking up from a coma. The doctors told them that it was normal if  _ _ Jisung _ _  was confused after waking up, because he was asleep for a long time with no interaction with the world, it was going to take time for him to understand everything that was happening. And Felix hoped that it was what was happening, that in a few hours, when everything was clear in his mind, their squirrel would laugh to them, showing them the smile they missed so much, the laugh they needed to hear and the happiness they needed so much.  _

_ “Felix?” _

_ Changbin _ _  came near to him, while Felix still couldn’t talk. He didn’t know what to say.  _

_ “How do you know my name...” _

_ They all looked to  _ _ Jeongin _ _  who said this.  _

_ “Jeong-” _

_ “He asked us how we knew his name.”  _

_ And everybody eyes widened.  _

_ It took them some minutes to finally understand what the youngest member said. _

_ “What do you- What do you mean? It’s not time for jokes now!”  _

_ If they didn’t know all how much Minho cried while their sunshine was lying on a hospital bed, if they didn’t hear the pain in his voice, the members could think he was pissed.  _ _ But actually, he _ _  was just afraid. Afraid of the truth. Afraid that  _ _ Jisung _ _  could forget them. Forget the years they passed together, as trainees and as members.  _

_ They were all afraid. And Jeongin _ _ ’s _ _  crying was the answer to Minho’s question. Their  _ _ maknae _ _  was crying.  _

“Does that mean... he doesn’t remember anything?”  Woojin  asked. The question everybody wanted to ask but nobody dared to. 

“No. He knows who he is, his family and his age. But it seems like he forgot all the things that happened the four last  years  according to what you said to me . He thinks he’s still a student at his Academy, and he doesn’t seem to remember his band mates.” The doctor said carefully.

The last sentence was what broke all their hope. 

Jisung  doesn’t remember them. Their band mate forgot them.  He forgot the moments they shared together, the memories they made together. He forgot their names, their stories, their identities. He forgot everything that made them friends. He doesn’t even know that they’re friends. That they’re brothers. 

“I already explained everything he needs to know to Mr. Han myself. He wants to see his parents and his brother, so if you to see him you can, he’s awake.”

After a few other things the doctor said to his parents, they went to their youngest’s room. They needed to see him. 

Then, the doctor saw the heartbroken boys. She remembers all the time they’ve spent here. Their leader comforting his family while she saw him crying alone, telling them that they needed to go  home  and they’ll stay by his side. 

She saw how tired they always looked like, like they didn’t sleep during years. How one member would always sleep in  Jisung’s  room. 

Jisung  was lucky for having friends like them.

“You guys need to be strong. I know that this situation is  really hard  for you, but it’s also really hard for him. Losing his memories, even half of them, is not an easy thing. He needs you to figure out everything he forgot  and also  to make new memories. Don’t treat him to differently, it’ll make him uncomfortable, but still be careful. Waking up from a coma and having amnesia can change him a lot, he can act differently, it’s totally normal.”

They nodded, eyes still filled with tears, thanking the doctor.  Jeongin  was crying, trying to hide from his members since he doesn’t like when they see him like this, but  Woojin  hugged they boy while he was crying himself. 

Minho couldn’t believe what they said, repeating “no” and “you’re lying” like a mantra until he felt Felix hugging him, telling him that it was true, tears falling down on his face while saying some words in English that Minho couldn’t understand.

Changbin .  Changbin  didn’t know how to react. He let himself falling on one of the chairs, looking to the ground in silence until he felt the tears in his face. Then, he started crying and shaking, covering his face with his hands.

Chan was feeling awful. He was the leader, he needed to protect his members. He needed to be their parents while the real ones weren’t here. But he  wasn’t able to  protect them. The boy he knew the longest, the member who give him courage when he wanted to stop everything, to go back to his country and to give up didn’t know who he was anymore. 

He went next to Changbin, letting the other member of 3racha crying in his shoulders while he couldn’t hold his tears anymore. Then he saw Hyunjin, standing alone, without moving. He wanted to hug the boy as well, but before he could the younger turned his back to them.

Hyunjin  left them, heading to the nearest bathroom. He felt like he was going to throw up. 

He went to the nearest toilet and started throwing up the little he had eaten, tears falling from his eyes at the same time.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Forgive me, Jisung.”

But right, how could he forgive something he had no idea from? 

And even so, why would he forgive him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! This chapter was okay I guess, the real drama isn't here yet (Yes, I love angst)!  
> See you for the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 3

Jisung  was crying in his mother’s arms while she was crying too.

“Mom... I don’t remember anything .. .” Was the first sentence he said, crying already, when he saw his family, her mother running near his son to hug him.

_ “Retrograde amnesia?”  _ _ Jisung _ _  asked slowly. He didn’t like where things were going. _

_ “Yes. You forgot a part of your  _ _ past memories _ _. It seems like you forgot the four last years of your life.” _

_ Jisung’s _ _  eyes widened. He lost his  _ _ memories? _ _  But he felt alright. Everything was right in his mind. Sure, he was still missing things now, like his recent memories, but it was because everything wasn’t clear enough for now _ _  since he just woke up. _

_ “I... Why am I  _ _ here? _ _ ” _

_ He wanted to know the reasons of his “amnesia” and his presence here. _ _  The reasons why he woke up in a hospital bed with strangers next to him.  _

_ “You had an accident. You were hit by a car and you had some broken ribs and a bad concussion. Your ribs are getting better now, they probably hurt less than the first week. They should be okay in two weeks. Your concussion is probably the thing that caused you amnesia.” _

_ She left some minutes for  _ _ Jisung _ _  to store up everything. The boy stared at his body and saw that he had bandages around his chest, under his shirt.  _ _ Until now, he didn’t realize it, it didn’t hurt, but the doctors were giving him some painkillers since yesterday –and they probably did that before with his IV. _

_ “You were also in a coma for a moment.” _

_ Jisung _ _  looked at her. _

_ “How... How long...?” _

_ The doctor softly smiled. She knew that everything was too much for the poor boy. But he had to know in order to remember. _

_ “More than three weeks. You opened your eyes a lot and you friends thought you were awake, but it’s something that happens a lot _ _  to comatose people. _ _ ” _

_ Jisung _ _  didn’t say anything. What could he say? He doesn’t remember what happened recently, he couldn’t remember his said friends. He doesn’t know a thing.  _

_ Now, he started feeling the empty inside him. He felt like something was missing.  _ _ Like a part of him wasn’t here. He felt an unpleasant feeling in his stomach, like it was knotted, and his hands began to shake under his blanket.  _

_ Right. His memories. The past four years. They were missing.  _

_ Everything was too much for him. Just too much. He had been in a  _ _ coma, _ _  but he still felt like he hasn’t slept for ages. _

_ “ _ _ Mom.. _ _. _ _ and _ _  dad... are they here?” _

_ The doctor’s heart broke when  _ _ s _ _ he heard how fragile the boy sounded. She had this situation before, she had to announce a lot of bad news to families or patients, but every time it hurt her.  _

_ “Yes, they are. They’re waiting outside with your brother. Do you want me to call them?” _

_ The boy slowly nodded, trying to hold back his tears. _

_ Dr. Kang went outside to call his parents, but before she smiled to him.  _

_ “Stay strong. I know that it’s hard, but you can do it.” _

“Everything will be fine,  Jisungie .”

* * *

 

**** When his parents were with him,  Jisung , feeling  really tired  (being in a coma wasn’t resting) fell asleep. With all the things he was told when he woke up, he wasn’t feeling well enough to stay awake. 

His parents had to leave the hospital then, they promised that they’ll come again tomorrow, but they had to let  Jisung  meet his friends again. 

And that’s why, the nine of them where in this room now. The nine members that shared so many times together. The nine friends that lived together. The nine boys that laughed together. The nine  brothers  that cried together.

_ The eight boys that remembered everything while the other couldn’t _ _  even _ _  tell who they were.  _

At first, it was awkward.  Jisung  couldn’t tell anything. What was he supposed to say? That he didn’t know them? 

Even though he didn’t know them, he doesn’t want to hurt them. If they were friends, he had no rights to hurt them. 

“Hello,  Jisung -ah. Are you feeling well?” One of the boys said. His curly hairs were messy and there were bags under his eyes. Like he didn’t sleep for ages. But his smile was so warm.  So  comforting. 

“Y-yeah... I’m better than yesterday.”  Jisung  said softly. He felt uncomfortable, in front of so many persons while he just woke up yesterday. 

Hearing the boy’s voice was reliving for them. His voice was shaky, he didn’t talk for so long that it was weird for him to do it. But it was so good. So good to hear their brother again. 

Who knew that they could miss someone’s voice so much?

Jisung  looked to the members. Next to the curly haired blonde, there was the three others that he saw yesterday, the tall one, the blonde one and the baby-like one. 

The two boys who were with him yesterday were looking better, but  Jisung  could tell that they were really affected about what happened, and he almost felt guilty. The tallest between them, the one who left the room when he woke up, looked really concerned. He gave  Jisung  a smile when he saw the youngest looking at him. 

And there were four other members. 

Right next to the one who spoke, there was another boy with a  cute  smile  and brown hairs . He was looking at Jisung so softly,  Jisung  could think he was his brother or something. He really had a parental aura. 

At his right side, a shorter boy  with black hair  was standing. At first sight,  Jisung  thought he was a  really strict  and dark person because of his looks, but his smile was enough to forget his first thoughts. 

In the other side of the room, next to the blonde he met yesterday, a brown-haired boy was standing. He seemed uncomfortable, he was standing behind the others, like he didn’t  kn o w  what to say to  Jisung . And  Jisung  could understand him. When he noticed that  Jisung  was looking at him, he gave him a gummy smile that could melt everybody's heart. 

And finally, the one who was standing the farthest from him and the others. His dark hair  was  hiding his eyes as the boy was looking at the ground, like he was avoiding  Jisung . That made  Jisung  uncomfortable, but he didn’t say anything. 

They all looked horrible honestly. They had bags under their eyes (some of them tried to hide it with makeup but  Jisung  could see them anyway) and looked horrible- not that  Jisung  was better than them.

A few moments later, the curly haired was going to say something, but the shortest member cut him before. 

“You really don’t remember us?”

Jisung  looked at him when he heard his voice. He didn’t sound angry or something like this. He said this with an almost pleading tone. 

“I-I’m not trying to make you feel guilty or something.” He quickly continued.   ”They ... Told us that you didn’t and I... I wanted to hear it from you if it was true... Sorry...”

Jisung  heart broke at the boy’s tone. He felt so bad. So bad for making them suffer. 

“I’m sorry... I don’t...” 

He didn’t look up to see their reaction. He couldn’t. 

It was so awkward. So uncomfortable. 

He felt so guilty without even knowing why. 

“Hey ,  it’s okay.” Jisung look up to see the curly haired speaking. “My name is Bang Chan.” He said, smiling. 

His smile was enough to reassure the injured boy. 

“And I’m  Kim  Woojin, the eldest!”  He said as stuck his hand before removing it. “Ah sorry, it’s awkward to shake your hand like this when we’ve known each other for so many years.” He said, smiling awkwardly.

“We...did?” 

Maybe it was because of how tired he was or because of his meds, but the rapper didn’t seem to notice how this sentence hurt them.

“Yeah. Four years since I met you. We even all live together now.” Bang Chan said. 

“O-oh...” 

Why was he living with his  friends?  He didn’t really know but right now it wasn’t like he knew a lot.

“Hey don’t do that face, I’m sure you’ll understand everything really quickly!” The freckled sunshine said. “By the way my name is Feli x! ” He continued, smiling. 

“Felix...? You’re a foreigner?” 

The said boy smiled when he heard his friend- no, his brother- calling his name and talking to him like they used to. It felt like the first time they met, but this time, the only  difference was that Felix already knows Jisung. 

“Yeah I’m the second Aussie in the group!”

“Second?”

“Bang Chan is Australian as well. They’re also known as Christopher Bang and Lee  Youngbok .” Said the shortest black-haired member, receiving a death glare from Felix –which was pretty funny for Jisung. 

“Yah  Seo  Changbin!” He said, making everyone –or almost everyone- laugh. 

“ Changbin ...?”  Jisung  repeated slowly, he wanted to be sure that  it  was his name. 

The boy immediately turned to the youngest, hoping that he remembered him, before  realizing  he was just repeating what Felix said. 

“Yeah, that’s my name. And the shy boy over here” he said, pointing to the puppy-like boy who was standing next to Felix, “is Kim  Seungmin . Don’t get fooled by his cute face, you’ll see h e’s  far from being an innocent angel . ” He said, laughing, which seemed to make Seungmin more comfortable. 

“Hey I’m here you know!” 

“I mean  Changbin hyung  is right, you’re a devil sometimes hyung!” The one with red hair and baby-like face said.

For a moment, a second only, it felt like everything was normal. Like they were at their dorm, their house, bickering like they usually do. Like they weren’t in the hospital, like one of  them  wasn’t sitting on a bed with no idea about who they were.

So  when the youngest realized that, when he realized where they were, he felt like a lump in his throat. 

Noticing their  maknae’s  reaction, Minho passed his arm around the youngest’s shoulders.

“And I’m Lee Minho and the cute one is Yang  Jeongin , our  maknae .” He said, smiling. 

So  Jisung  was right when he assumed that  Jeongin  was younger.

Then,  Jisung’s  eyes landed on the last boy. The boy who didn’t reacted to any of the jokes, who didn’t even look to  Jisung  or any of the others –the floor was clearly more interesting,  Jisung  thought.

He wanted to ask him his  name,  but he didn’t want to annoy the boy.

“Hwang  Hyunjin .”

The boy- oh he was as handsome as the others- looked to Minho when he called his name.

“His name is Hwang  Hyunjin .” Minho said when he noticed that  Jisung  was looking to their visual.

Hyunjin  didn’t said anything, he just  smiled  to Jisung.

And the youngest 3racha member was probably the only who didn’t notice the glare Minho gave to  Hyunjin  while  Hyunjin  didn’t dare to look to the eldest dancer . But, for some reasons, it didn’t  shock  anyone. 

“Um...”  Jisung  began, gaining everyone’s attention, “You said that we live together...? May I ask why-  … d-don't take it wrong it’s because I don’t know! ” He asked shyly.

Everyone looked to each other for a few seconds, like they didn’t know how to answer.

“Right, I guess we have a lot of things  to explain...” Chan stopped for a few seconds, trying to find the best way to tell everything to  Jisung . “We’re in the same group.”

“Group?”

“Yeah an Idol Group!”

An Idol  group ?  If there is one thing  Jisung  still remembers is that he always loved music. Writing his feelings in songs, rapping  and talking his thoughts with songs. He remembers that he dreamt about that. About singing, rapping, producing. 

He was in an Idol group... he  achieved  his dreams...?

“We are a group...?” His voice was almost a  whisper ,  but it still drew his members attention.

“Yes!” Felix said with his still - happy  -v oice.

They couldn’t tell how  Jisung  was feeling about this since his face didn’t show any emotion. It seemed like he was trying to understand everything.

They all noticed that since they saw him,  Jisung  was still a little confused about everything. And it was normal. Before the boy woke up, the doctors said that he had to readapt to his life since he had been in a coma for almost one month. One long month. So since he woke up, it was more difficult for him to remember everything that was told (the day before he asked the same questions two times to his parents and the doctors because he couldn’t focus enough to remember the answers) and he was spacing out sometimes. But it was  normal,  so nobody mentioned it.

“And... what is yo u -our name?”

Chan smiled.

“Stray kids. We are Stray Kids.” 

_ Stray Kids everywhere all around the world. _

_ Uh?  _

_ What was that?   _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooow~  
> So here's the new chapter! (Shoot out to my computer who's having a hard time because it doesn't know what to accept between " realizing" and "realising" )  
> Plus I accidentally shut the page so when I copy-paste from word some of the things I changed on ao3 were gone ;-;  
> But I had my exam results today and they were good so I'm happy (*´∀`*)  
> Btw is it hot were you're living? Cuz here we're dying with the heatwave like wtf T^T
> 
> AnYwAy, I hope you enjoyed! I'll try to update again this week!
> 
> Akame~


	5. Chapter 4

A few days later,  Jisung  started the rehabilitation. He had to do a lot of test which he doesn’t really remember (it was still hard for him to fix everything in his  memory  but he was getting better now). They wanted to check if he had any other problems since he had a head trauma, but fortunately he was alright (if we forget the fact that he has amnesia.)

He didn’t have any motor problems either, but he still went to a physiotherapist since he  didn’t  move on his own during nearly one month.

They said that he could leave the hospital in two weeks if everything went alright. Well of course, he still had to come here every day for his daily rehabilitation to see a speech therapist, neurophysiologist and also a therapist (they said that after a coma due to a head trauma most of the people need it but  Jisung  didn’t really thought that the speech therapist was useful in his case, not that he had the choice anyway.)

During that time, his family and his friends visited him every day. He spent more time with his band mates and he learnt more about them. Like the fact that Minho and  Jeongin’s  stage names were Lee Know and I.N ( Jisung  also learnt that his stage name was his family name) and how much  Woojin  liked chicken or even the fact that he was one of the producers of the group, a part of 3racha.

_ “3racha because we’re hot like Sriracha!” Chan said before  _ _ Changbin _ _  hit the back of his head _ _ , _ _  laughing.  _

But when they told him when he could leave, his parents and him had a little conversation.

_ “Jisung-ah, after leaving the hospital, would you like to go back home? _ __

_ His parents were worried. Worried about their son. They were so scared when they received a call from his company, telling them that the boy was in the hospital.  _ _ They had to come to Seoul in panic. _ _  So they wanted to keep an eye on him. Not that they didn’t trust the company or the members (even if they don’t really know how the accident happened. Nobody talked about the condition and they didn’t question it since the boys seemed too sad to reply.) _

_ “I don’t know...” _

_ It was true. He didn’t know. Sure, his first thought was that he wanted to go back to live with his parents, the people he knew. It was scary to think about living in a dorm with people he didn’t remember. _

_ But now, when he saw how desperate the boys looked like, how they were always here and when one of the nurses said that there was always a member who slept In his room in case he woke up, he knew that he couldn’t do this to them.  _

_ He couldn’t start a new life like the four last years didn’t happen. _

_ He couldn’t forget them because he forgot his life.  _

_ “But I think I want to stay with Stray Kids...” _

So, after two weeks, when the doctors said that he everything was alright and that he could leave, he was sitting on their van with Minho and Chan while their manager was riding them to their dorm. 

One of their songs was playing on the background. 

“Oh is that Hellevator?”

Honestly it was one of the only songs he remembers since he listened to it in the hospital.

“Yeah, you already listened to it?” Chan asked. 

It was true that every time  Jisung  would tell something like this, they hoped that his memories came back. That it wasn’t amnesia but just a little confusion. And every time, they would see the truth in face.

The doctor told them that they couldn’t really tell when (or if)  Jisung’s  memories will come back. Talking to him about the past would help, they said.  So  they were going to do everything they can for him to remember.

“Yeah! I mean there was a lot of songs and I couldn’t listen to all of them, but I listened to Hellevator!” 

And  so  they continued talking about their songs. 

“And I also listened the last one... I don’t remember the name …" He said like he was trying to remember the name.

_ The name of the song isn’t the only thing you forgot... _

_ “ _ Miroh ?  Yeah ,  our last comeback, we did it before you-”

Minho didn’t finish his sentence. And they understood what he meant.

The atmosphere became weird after this, even if Minho didn’t mean  to.

Fortunately, a few minutes later they were in front of their dorm, standing in front of their door. 

Jisung  didn’t really know how to act. What could he possibly do in this situation? 

So  Chan opened their house, showing the password at the same time to Jisung. Then, they came in and they were welcomed with Woojin, Felix, Jeongin and  Changbin  covered with flour.  Seumgmin  seemed more decent and  Hyunjin  was the only totally clean one. 

“We’re  hoooom \- Okay what the fuck happened we weren’t even out for two hours.” Chan said as he was the last one to enter, in shock, while Minho was laughing.

“Felix and  Jeongin  were having a flour battle in the kitchen.” Woojin said.

“And I was trying to stop them.” continued Changbin.

“What about you Woojin?” 

“ Hey!  I was in the middle doing cheesecake.” He said while  Jisung’s  eyes got bigger when he heard the magical word.

“Why haven’t you two done anything?” Minho asked, still laughing.

“Hey I did!”  Seungmin  protested.

“And why are your clothes clean then?’

“Because what I was doing was making fun of them while recording!” He said with amusement in his voice. 

Hyunjin  didn’t say anything as he stayed in the corner, smiling  softly  with his hands in his pockets.

But Jisung didn’t pay attention as he was still focused on the word  Woojin  said.

“You said... cheesecake?” 

The boy looked at him with a smile.

“Yeah your favourite.”

“How did you kno- Thank you!” He said, cutting his first sentence in the middle when he realized what he was going to say. 

_ Of course _ _  they know what you like. They know you. You’re the only one who knows nothing here. _

Without mentioning what he was going to say at first,  Seungmin  went next to him. He seemed more comfortable since the first day at the hospital. They talked more since then and it was less awkward.

“Do you want to visit? I mean Chan- hyung  is probably going to tell Felix and  Jeongin  to clean up the kitchen so...”

“Um yeah of course!” 

If they asked to  Seungmin  if he ever thought about showing around their own dorm to one of his members, he would say no. Why would he? The already know the  house ,  right? 

But now it wasn’t a normal situation, so here he was, showing every room to his slightly older member.

“And here’s our room. You,  Hyunjin  and I are roommates.” He said, showing their room. 

While they were looking around, he showed  Jisung’s  bed and also his own. 

“The other one is  Hyunjin’s ...But if you want  to  we can change the rooms you know...”  Seungmin  added softly. He didn’t want to make  Jisung  uncomfortable, but he also didn’t want to take decisions for him.  If the boy was uncomfortable with the room arrangement, he wouldn’t force him to sleep there.

“N-no I’m fine !...  But if you’re no-”

“ Of course  that I’m okay with it ,  you idiot!” Seungmin cut him while laughing. 

When they finished visiting,  Seungmin  took him to the kitchen. 

“We can eat cheesecake and I can show you the video I recorded while the two idiots were messing up with the flour!” He said to  Jisung  who happily accepted when he heard the name of his favorite dessert. 

If only everything could be like this. If only every day from now could be like everything was normal. 

If only everything went well after this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am with the new chapter!  
> I won't post for some days since I go in Vacation tomorrow but I already wrote the next 2 chapter (and I'm working on the third one) so i'll try to post when I have the time!)  
> BTW i'm not sure if "neurophysiologist" exists but I got it when I searched the translation of "neurologue" on Reverso so idk ^^'
> 
> (Here's a fun fact : I got "Han" in my name so can I say that my name is a ship name between me and Jisung?)
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Akame


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the end notes ^^

Today was the day Jisung was going to join the others with their practices. His ribs were totally fine now and it was getting annoying to stay in the dorm or at the hospital every day while the others were practicing, so he finally got the permission to do it with them. Sure, he needs to begin slowly, so today he was only going to join the dance practice. But they promised that they will let him do more after. 

So, while the members were training before he got the permission, he watched to all of their dance practices, trying to memorize them.  

It was hard.  

Really hard.  

Their choreography were almost impossible to someone with no experience and even if Jisung had experience, even if he used to know and do all those dances, now he was like a blank paper. He didn’t know anything about their dances.  

He tried to do some of  them and he was actually doing well. Not as good as before, sure, but he was doing his best. Fortunately, even if he forgot the moves, his muscles didn’t so it was easier to fix the choreography in his mind. He was thankful for his body to remember the moves a little bit anyway. 

So today he was going to dance with the dance line while the vocal line was in their vocal practice and 2racha in their studio. 

“We're going to begin with some of the easy choreography, okay?” Minho asked to Jisung who nodded while he was finishing warming up.  

Then, for three hours they danced on “My pace”, correcting Jisung’s mistake and teaching him the parts he didn’t know. Now he was able to do the two dances like before, he’s always been good to memorize choreography. They even began “Get cool” but they didn’t have the time to teach everything to the rapper. 

“You did well Jisung!” Felix said to the boy who was catching his breath with a smile on his face.  

 _If there something that didn’t change about_ _Jisung_ _, it’s his smile._  

“Thank you!” he said back. “But I still need to learn the rest of the dance.” he said while opening his bottle.  

“And we’ll do it later! It’s enough for today, we’ll do these dances with the rest of the group tonight anyway. Now, let’s go, we should eat!” 

They all nodded to Minho’s proposition ~~–~~ ~~order-~~   and went to the cafeteria to eat something.  

* * *

Later that day, after the vocal line’s schedule ended and after 2racha joined them, as Minho said it they danced on “My pace” together. They didn’t dance on their other songs since Jisung didn’t know the choreography. And even if he said that they should dance without him, Bang Chan said that they couldn’t dance as eight members on a dance in which they’re supposed to be nine. 

 _“We can’t and we won't.”_  

Jisung didn’t know what he meant by that, but the others agreed with their leader.  

So, after dancing on the same dance a couple of time, they decided to go back to the dorm. The fact that they refused to dance without him bothered Jisung. He was the one who was “injured”, not the group. He doesn’t want to stop them from working, but it’s not like they were going to listen to him. 

“We should watch a film! What do you think about that?” Woojin asked while they were on their manager’s van.  

As an answer he got a round of “yesss” from the younger members.  

“Jisung you should choose!” Felix said to his almost-twin. 

“No there’s no nee-” 

“Hey, it was your turn to choose anyway. And I’m not sure you prefer watching what Changbin will choose.” Seungmin said, cutting Jisung in the middle of his sentence. 

“Hey! Jisung always loved the movies I choose! You’re the only one who doesn’t because your tastes suck!”  

The others laughed to Changbin while Jisung was thinking about what the older rapper said. He always loved what he chooses? Jisung couldn’t tell because, well, he had no fucking idea about that. It was so weird to see people talking about his habits he didn’t even know he had. It was weird to see people knowing him better than himself.

And it was the first time he felt like he didn’t belong here.  

* * *

While they were watching the film Jisung and Felix choose together (because Jisung said that there wasn’t any film he wanted to see in particular, so the dancer helped him), he was sitting between Chan and Minho on the couch. Felix was sitting on the ground, his back against Jisung’s legs and right next to Changbin. Woojin and Jeongin were sitting together on the other couch and Hyunjin was sitting on the single armchair.  

And watching the movie together was good. They laughed together, like before. 

After the movie ended, half of the maknae line was already sleeping, while the rest of the group was also sleepy. Woojin was guiding a sleepy Seungmin to his bed while carrying Jeongin who was already sleeping in his room.  

Changbin was trying to choose between lying on the floor or going to his bed because he was too lazy to stand up. 

“C’mon Changbin-ah, go to your bed.” Chan said while helping the younger to stand up. He was tired as well, he could sleep too today, he thought.  

“Hyunjin, Minho, take Felix and Jisung to their bed please.” Their leader said while going to his room with Changbin who was still insisting to sleep on the floor. The two producers were sure tired.  

Hyunjin nodded to the eldest rapper even if he couldn’t see it since he already left the living room, and stand up, approaching the September boys. Logically, since he was sharing a room with Jisung, he should be the one who takes Jisung. But before he moves, Minho was silently, not to wake him up, taking Jisung in his arm. And without even looking to Hyunjin, he left the room. 

With no words, Hyunjin did the same for Felix, still looking to where Minho went. 

* * *

When Jisung woke up, the first thing he noticed was that he was in his bed, which seemed weird. He started panicking.  

The feeling of forgetting his life once was terrifying. He didn’t want this to happen again. And because he just woke up, he didn’t have the capacity to remind himself what happened. All he could think about now was that he couldn’t remember what he did before sleeping and if it wasn’t that bad for some people, the thought of forgetting anything was enough to terrify the poor boy. 

Before he realized it, his lungs began to burn. He couldn’t breathe properly. He started trying to breath faster, throwing his blanket on the floor as if it would help him. As if it would help him to feel less like he was suffocating. 

Then he felt a hand on his back. 

“Jisung? Jisung calm down!” 

Because of his blur vision due to the tears falling from his eyes, Jisung couldn’t tell who it was. He couldn’t recognize his voice either, which scared him more.  

The unknown. The unknown scared him more than anything now. Because he didn’t like it. Even if he was trying to adapt to it, he couldn’t get used to the feelings of others knowing him better than himself.  

Afraid. He was afraid from the unknown. 

“Shhh... calm down... It’s me, Hyunjin. You know me. Don’t worry...” He was still trying to calm the youngest down, drawing circles on his back.  

“I-I don’t-” 

“You do. You know us even if you don’t know it.” 

After a few minutes, thanks to Hyunjin’s help, Jisung was now able to calm down and his breathing was coming back to normal. 

“Thank you...” It was all he could say, until he realized he was hugging the slightly older boy. He quickly took a distance; he wasn’t used to show that much affection to someone he didn’t really know (or remember in his case). 

Hyunjin just smiled. Actually, it was the first time they really talked to each other. Hyunjn always tried to avoid Jisung but the boy didn’t know why. The other members didn’t mention it either, so Jisung thought that the boy was shy or maybe that they’ve always been like this.  

Before Jisung could tell anything else, Hyunjin stand up from his bed. That’s only when Jisung realized that Seungmin wasn’t in the room, and he was thankful for that. Breaking down in front of Hyunjin was embarrassing enough. 

“I’m going to shower up. You should come to eat the breakfast too if you’re ready, you’re with the rest of 3racha today, right?” 

When Jisung nodded, Hyunjin went to the door, but before leaving, he looked to Jisung.  

“Jisung, I'm sorry.” 

But before the younger rapper could question him, Hyunjin already left the room, leaving Jisung alone in their room.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really happy about how I wrote the chapter but I'm too lazy to write it again so eh.  
> Btw I'm not sure about the plural form of choreography and my corrector doesn't accept " choreographies " so idk.
> 
> Here are some important notes :  
> \- I won't have wifi for some days and that's why I didn't post for a while now, but don't worry I'm already working on the next chapters!  
> \- If you're french, I'll probably update this story in French on my wattpad (because my brother wants to read it but doesn't understand English so I'm translating.) My wattpad user name is the same as here!  
> -I posted the first part of a story called "Guilt" and I'm also working on the next chapter ( I think that it'll have more than just 2 chapters finally.) so if you want to, you can check it 👉👈 It's a SKZ angst story again because Angst is what I'm made of ^^' 
> 
> Thank you for reading, as always!  
> Akame.


	7. Chapter 6

 

As  Hyunjin  already told it this morning,  Jisung  was now re-discovering the studio in which he, Bang Chan and  Changbin  used to write their songs. He still couldn’t believe that he was one of those who wrote their songs. He always  drea m t  about that.  So  knowing that he realised his dreams was...

_ How are you sure you  _ _ achi _ _ e _ _ v _ _ ed _ _  your _ _  dreams? Do you remember it? _

Now, he was reading some of his most recent lyrics that he wrote on his personal notebook.

“It was the last things you wrote. We didn’t touch to it while you... anyway, I hope it will help you.”

Changbin  handed him the notebook. A notebook with a black and used cover.  More than half of the pages seemed used and there were a few scratches on the cover. 

Jisung  stared at the notebook a little bit. He didn’t recognise it, of course. But, for some reason, holding the book in his hands wasn’t weird for him.

After observing it for a while, he decided to open it. The first pages were full of  messy  lines written with pencil, some of the line were crossed out and he could see some doodles around.  All the lines weren’t even straight, and some of the words were impossible to read. He didn’t know if it was his writing style or just because he wrote everything in it out of inspiration.

He softly touched the lines he apparently wrote, even if he couldn’t recognise his own writing.

_ Sitting on his chair, he was watching the empty pages on his notebook. He didn’t know what to write, he was tired and his head hurts. He was sure that it was  _ _ pretty late _ _  actually, his members where at the dorm, they even convinced Chan to go back with them. But  _ _ Jisung _ _  insisted, saying that he really needed to stay.  _ _ Woojin _ _  and Chan weren’t  _ _ really happy _ _  about letting him alone in their studio but because they know how much the boy was stubborn, they let him there anyway, telling him that he better be back before 2 A.M.  _

_ He was pretty sure that he had to go back to the dorm now, but he didn’t want to. Staying longer in the studio for nothing would be bothering for him. And his headache was getting worse.  _

_ “My head hurts. “ _

_ He didn’t know why, but he wrote it on his notebook anyway. _

“...sung!  Jisung ! Han Jisung!” 

Jisung  look up when he heard someone calling his name. It was Chan, and Changbin and him were looking really worried. 

“Hyung are you okay?” He asked slowly. He was confused about what was happening.

_ What was that?  _

“What? That’s what we should ask to you!”  Changbin  said in a panicked tone. And that’s only when  Jisung  noticed that he was sitting on the floor instead of his chair . His notebook fell in the ground too, a little away from him.

“W-what...?”

“You fall on the ground while looking in your notebook .  We... we thought something happened  Sungie ...”

Chan decided not to mention how slowly  Jisung  started breathing while reading the notes, holding his head with one hand, while in the other one he could see the notebook shaking because of the unsure hold of its owner.

Before  Jisung  could reassure the other rapper,  Changbin  already wrapped his arms around the younger’s small figure, shaking a little bit. 

Showing affection to  Jisung  was weird for  Changbin  as he already mentioned it on “Two Kids Room”, but now, with everything that was happening, being able to hug the boy was such a good feeling for him. He missed him so much.

Those  past  weeks after  Jisung  woke up, they never really had the chance to hug the boy. Mostly because he stayed in the hospital for two weeks and he has been back to the dorms only for a few days, and of course, because he didn’t remember them, they didn’t want to make him uncomfortable with that kind of thing. 

Jisung, on the other hand, was surprised as well. But, even if he changed, he liked hugs, so he didn’t react and let the older hold him. He didn’t feel like stopping the hug anyway, it was reassuring after the little fright he had. 

“I-” He breathed. “I’m okay hyung.”

For a moment they stayed like this,  Changbin  hugging the boy while Chan was looking at them, still worried. 

“Jisung, what happened?” 

The boy stayed silent for a moment. Because he didn’t know either what happened. 

“I... don’t know... I was just reading what I wrote and then... I was alone and I had a headache... I was trying to write but nothing came in my mind and I... I don’t know...”

The two elder boys stayed silent, trying to understand what was happening as well. 

Jisung  slowly stand up, searching for his notebook while Chan was  staying  as close as possible with him in case he fell again. When he reached the used notebook, he opened the last page with writing on it. 

_ My... _

“My... head hurts...” he read slowly.

“Wha-”

“That’s... that’s what I saw earlier! That’s what I was writing on my notebook alone ... ” He exclaimed with a confused voice.

At first, Chan and  Changbin  looked at each other in worry, afraid for the youngest rapper.  They thought that the boy was going crazy because of what he said. He wasn’t alone in the room and he didn’t  write  anything earlier.

Then, the boys realised something. 

“Sungie... is that a memory? Is that something you did before your accident?” Excitement was audible in Changbin’s voice.

“I... don’t know...” 

Chan approached the  maknae  of the unit and helped him to sit on his chair.

“It’s okay  Sungie , calm down. You should talk to your doctor about this tomorrow, oka y? ” He didn’t know if he was trying to comfort the boy or himself, but he hugged the younger. 

Jisung  didn’t react. He let the older hug him. He didn’t know when or if they did that before, but the feeling wasn’t odd like he expected.

__________________________________________________________________________________

After the what happened in the studio, the other 3racha members decided to show him the rest o f the company building. While looking to the practice rooms, someone called them. The members turned to see their CEO, JYP, behind them.

“Ah! Hello!” They said formally while bowing.

Jisung  already knew the guy. Of course, everybody does. But the day after  Jisung  met Stray Kids, JYP came to see him. And it would be a lie if he said that the CEO’s words didn’t help him to choose the decision to stay with his group.

_ “You probably don’t remember it, but you are, as all the artists in my industry, a super talented artist  _ _ and also _ _  someone I’m proud of having under my company. I’ve been in the music industry for a  _ _ really long _ _  time and I can tell you that composing music as you and your group are doing isn’t an easy thing, never doubt about your capacity. So, if you don’t want to be an artist under JYP  _ _ ent _ _ , if you don’t want to continue your career here, I’d totally understand. I’ll let you the choice. But take your time and take everything in consideration. Don’t take decisions on impulse. I know that your friends and your fans will always respect that choice.” _

The boy still remembers the words the man said. That’s why he chose to stay here. Because he  want s  to see if it’s worth. If it’s worth to continue the life he doesn’t remember living.

“Hello boys.  Is e verything okay?” He asked. 

Chan answered with a “yes of course.”, but the CEO was looking to Jisung to be sure about the answer.

“O-oh yes everything’s fine!” He said a little uncomfortable. The man had an a uthoritarian aura after all.

After a few other words exchanged with JYP where he said that they can always see him if something bad happens, the older artist leaved them. 

“We should go back to the dorms; it’s getting late and we don’t have dance practice today.” Chan said when they finished to visit the building. 

The two other boys agreed.  Jisung  knew that their schedule was supposed to be busier and that they didn’t do some of the planned activities because of him, but he didn’t say anything about that as he followed the other boys.

“Should we get pizza? It’s been a while since we didn’t eat it!”

“Just say that you’re too lazy to cook today, leader- nim !”  Changbin  said while laughing. But they agreed anyway with their leader.

* * *

After eating the boys decided to go back to their room to sleep. Well , actually, because  the  hyung  line said that they had something to do at the company, the 00 ’  line and Jeongin were in  Hyunjin ,  Jisung  and  Seungmin’s  room.

The  maknae  line never really talked with  Jisung  like before. Even at the hospital the boys were too shy to approach the rapper. Beside Felix, who was the only one who was acting like nothing changed,  Jeongin  and  Seungmin  were afraid of being awkward with  Jisung .  Hyunjin , on  the other  side, didn’t act weirdly, he was just distant with the others and nobody mentioned anything weird about him.

Jisung  didn’t question anything, he supposed that  Hyunjin  had always been like this and he understood why the two others were shy, because he was like this too. His was secretly thankful to Felix, because he was making him more comfortable.

Right now, the  tallest  boy was watching something on his phone while Seungmin was trying to stop Felix from touching his stuff.  Jeongin , touching shyly his phone, approached  Jisung  who was sitting on his bed, laughing to the two boys.

“Hey hyung...” 

Jisung  looked up to see their  maknae  calling him.

“Hey!”  He said, smiling. 

The youngest was standing uncomfortably before sitting next to  Jisung .

“You’re alright?” 

Jeongin  nodded to the question his  hyung  asked because of how weird he was acting.

“Yes of course! What about you?”

“I’m fine as always I guess.”  Jisung  smiled.

Jeongin  noticed that his  hyung  had changed.  Beside the fact that he was not that comfortable around them, mostly because now they are complete strangers to him, his usual  character  changed too.

The usually loud and friendly boy was now shy and distant. He wasn’t laughing with them, wasn’t trying to joke around or nothing. But they knew something like this was going to happen. The doctors explained everything that could happen to someone who has amnesia, so they knew that his personality could change. That from now, he could be different from how he used to be.

And the thought of that bothered  Jeongin . He didn’t want his  hyung  to change. He didn’t want him to become someone else. He wanted him to be like he was ,  because that’s how he used to know and like him. 

“Hyung...”

“Yeah? Sorry I’m just not used to be called  hyung .” He laughed, but it wasn’t funny for Jeongin. 

No matter what, he was still his hyung.

“Ummm... Would you like to take a picture with me? For our Instagram! Stays are also worried, you know … “

After a few seconds without any answer from  Jisung ,  Jeongin  continued.

“B-but if you don’t want to you don’t need to! They’ll understand don’t worr-”

“Stays? … was that the name of your fandom...?”

“Yes! The name of  _ our _  fandom!” 

Jisung  vaguely remember when one of the members -he doesn’t remember which one- talked to him about them.  They seemed to be really loving, and he understood that. He wanted to remember. He wants to remember why the members talk about the stays which so much passion. 

He wants to know how he used to love them. How he loved the members. How he loved his fans.

“ So  they... they know what happened...?” 

Jeongin  couldn’t say how  Jisung  felt about this. His expression was hard to read, which was another thing that bothered him. Of course, it was always easier to read their old  Jisung’s  expressions , but now he was so different. It was like their  Jisung  was now someone else.

“Yes... the company had to release a statement about this, but don’t worry the company always tries to respect our private life!”

Right,  Jisung  remembered agreeing to JYP who asked to him and his family for posting a statement about the fact that he was awake. He didn’t remember what they  actually post  (memory problems were annoying) but he thinks that his family and him agreed.  So  they probably also agreed when JYP had to post about his coma  at the first place.

The following seconds were also silent and  Jeongin  felt bad about proposing this to  Jisung . The boy was maybe uncomfortable about this, since he didn’t know much about the group and their fans. But  Jeongin  wanted him to remember.  And he would do anything for that.

“If you-”

“Okay...We should post something!” He said with a smile.

“Are you sure? If you don’t want to you shouldn’t force yourself!”

“Hey I’m okay! I don’t want to worry  anyone,  and I’m bored anyway!” 

Even if he was smiling,  Jeongin  could see that he was unsure about this. But because of how he insisted, he didn’t ask any other questions and took his phone, ready to take some pictures with the other member.

And that’s when he noticed how irreal everything seemed. 

Because some weeks ago, he would have done everything just to be able to see  Jisung’s  eyes again. Just to be able to hug him again, even if he wasn’t fan of skin ship. Just to be able to hear him again.  He would have done so much things just to hear the oldest member again.

And n ow he was taking a picture with him.

And, honestly, if he had to give the world for this moment to last forever, for his group to be together forever, he would do it with no hesitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I may or may not be late but yeah, be used because if i don't finish this story before school I'll update less frequently T^T
> 
> Btw the room arrangement is :  
> Jisung-Seungmin-Hyunjin  
> Felix-Jeongin-Minho-Woojin  
> Chan-Changbin 
> 
> Also, I'm starting to stan Monsta x (Still have to stan Dreamcatcher, Twice and Red Velvet -and maybe ateez but their song concept isn't my fave one)!
> 
>  
> 
> (Out of subject : I might or not write a kpop kidnapping story ( not with non-con things!! I can't write that kind of things) but I'm not sure ^^' sooo ) 
> 
> Thanks for reading my story! Comments are always a good way to know your thoughts! 
> 
> As always, sorry for the mistakes and thank you for your support ^^
> 
> Akame~


	8. Chapter 8

Hello.

 

I know that I haven't been posting for a long time and I'm so, so sorry. But this year school is getting even harder. 

You all probably know about the news of Woojin leaving Stray Kids and are probably sick of everyone talking about that, but until I know that it's okay for me to write about him, I may not post. 

Please understand that he might not want to get involved with that kind of stuff if leaving was his decision, even if sometimes I doubt about that. If we don't get any new about the reasons of this decision, I will probably continue my stories as if nothing changed because, as a Stay, I will always see Stray Kids as nine. As long as none of them do something wrong, I'll support the nine of them. 

So this isn't a hiatus if there are still people following this story (I hope so ^^').

It hurt me so much, I woke up to that new. I hope that Stray Kids are doing fine. And the same goes for you, Stays, if you need to talk I'm here too. 

 

Also, to the new Stays, I hope that it won't change anything for you, Woojin is in our heart forever. Even if he doesn't call by the name of Stray Kids from now, even if we haven't managed to make him stay in Stray Kids, we should make him stay in happiness. 

 

Nine or none, forever. It hurts to know that it was the name of my first fanfiction about them.

 

 _ **Nine or None**_ , thank you for making STAYs stay, Stray Kids.

Akame. 


	9. Chapter 9

It was just a simple picture of  both of them .  Jeongin  was smiling and  Jisung  was doing a peace sign. There was no caption, just a heart emoji  since they didn’t know what to write. After that, they eventually all fell asleep before the  hyung  line came back to their room.

They were greeted with  Hyunjin  sleeping, his phone fell on his side and his blanket on the ground.  Seungmin , being the only one who was sleeping correctly, was sleeping on his bed with  Jeongin  who’s head was resting on the  older’s  bed while he was sitting on the floor .

And, finally, they saw  Jisung  sleeping on his bed with Felix on his side, the Aussie’s hand resting on  Jisung’s  belly. They smiled to the view, remembering that none one them have been this close to  Jisung  for a while now. They were sure that the “twins” didn’t sleep like this on purpose, but it was still goo d  to see this again.  It felt like nothing had changed. 

Woojin  covered  Hyunjin’s  sleeping figure with his blanket and Chan put  Jeongin  in  Seungmin’s  bed  before they decided to leave the  maknae  line sleeping and doing the same thing, leaving their room. 

“Chan, you better sleep tonight.” 

“Sure, Woojin.”

“I’m sleeping with you just to make sure you’re sleeping.” Was what the oldest answered. 

“And I’ll sleep with you two because my room is too hot,  Woojin  forgot to open the windows!” Minho said. 

“Just say that you want to sleep together.”  Changbin  said, before adding “But I guess I could sleep with y’all  since you  want to sleep with my roommate.”

And that’s how the four of them ended sleeping together in Chan and  Changbin’s  room. 

* * *

What  Jisung didn’t expect when he woke up was being hugged by a sleeping blonde boy. What he als o  didn’t expect was the fact that it was only 3 a.m. and they still had time to sleep since they need to go to the company at 10. 

For some reasons, he wasn’t shocked by the fact that Felix was sleeping next to him. No, not because he was used to, since he has no memory about them before the hospital. He didn’t know  why, actually . It wasn’t like he was going to throw the boy out of his bed or something, anyway. So, he didn’t say anything about the boy sleeping next to him or the fact that his arm was reposing on him.

He slowly removed the Aussie’s arm , trying not to wake up the boy,  because he needed to go to the toilet and get up from his bed.

He tried to go to the bathroom without switching the lights on, which was  pretty hard  since he couldn’t see anything and had to guide himself with the walls, trying not to bump on anything. Fortunately, he finally found the bathroom without getting hurt.

After finishing his business, while he was heading back to his room, he remembered the picture Jeongin posted from  both of them  on their Instagram. He decided that he could look at the comments before sleeping again, since he knew that he couldn’t sleep directly after  waking up  anyway. 

He blindly searched for his phone on his bed, trying to find in the darkness of the room. He looked under his pillow  and also  under the blanket, but he couldn’t feel his phone. He then started to look next to Felix, in case the boy was  laying on it. 

And yes, his phone was under Felix’s back. Slowly again,  Jisung  took his phone carefully ,  not to wake the boy  up, and  unlocked his phone. 

Nervously, he unlocked his phone, and took a deep breath, before finally pressing the  Instagram  logo on his phone. 

He didn’t know if he was ready to see how their … fans reacted to their picture. He knew, from the others, that everybody has been  really happy to see the statement about his situation- his awakening, since they didn’t know yet about his condition, no. Nobody knew about his amnesia yet. He told the company that he wasn’t ready for that to be announced yet, but that moment was going to happen soon. And he knew that if he wanted everything to go well, he needed to come back to the idol life he knew nothing about.

When he finally opened the application, his eyes widened seeing the numbers of like under their last post. It was a lot. It was a lot for Han Jisung, who still couldn’t accept the fact that he was an idol. And there were even more comments, to his surprise. 

And, without realising it, he ended up scrolling again and again, reading almost all the comments, even those who were in English. A smile, a pure little smile, appeared on his lips as he saw all the support he was getting by their Stays. 

For a moment, for one second, he felt as if he was home. As if everything that was happening right now was normal. He felt like he wasn’t in a dorm with people he barely remembered but with his friends. He felt like it was normal to be happy about comments coming from people who he didn't know anything about. 

And he wanted that second to last forever. He wanted to feel home, to feel safe even if he was surrounded by strangers to his memory. He wanted to remember why their fans liked him so much. 

But it didn’t. 

And, when that moment ended, his smile  disappeared . 

Because he didn't know. He didn't know _why_ he should feel like that.

The weird feeling inside him, the weight on his heart, was back again. 

And, the sentiment being too overwhelming for him, he closed his eyes, trying to stay as far as possible from the  _ stranger _  lying next to him, not admitting to himself how much he needed that affection right now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my absence, I'm busy with school T^T  
> I'm not proud of this chapter, but I think it may be important for the story line.   
> I am working on an AU ( even tho i used to hate them) and I don't know in which language I am going to post it- Right know I'm doing it in French. And I am also working on a Monsta x OS- Hyungwon-centric because we need more of those!
> 
> I hope you still enjoyed this! Tell me your thoughts ^^
> 
> Btw y'all if you wanna talk or smth my Wattpad is the same username~
> 
> Akame


	10. Chapter 10

Hi guys, 

I hate doing that kind of chapter, but here I need to do so.   
First of all, even if i love writing this fanfic, I may change it a little bit because with time I see how bad I wrote this, but nothing is sure yet.  
Second thing is that, for and undetermined period of time, I won't be really active due to personal problems, and thus I won't have Wi-Fi during that time.  
Writing is something I love doing, so I'll continue. During that period, I'll continue a personal project that I've been working on for years, and maybe write some English stuff to put here. 

Sorry for that, I hope that y'all are doing well!

If you want to talk, my instagram is @ruyakame ! I'm more active there (well, not right now, I hardly now about what's going on and I hate it but let's stay positive!)

Thanks for your understanding, I hope that y'all still read this story (I really want to continue and write other sequels to Guilt too!)  
Have a good day/night/afternoon!

Akame~


End file.
